Sunday, August 2, 2009

Google Your Jealousy

I need a little therapy right now and what better way to handle this than a blog. I have already talked John's ear off about the situation and I certainly have not been using my blog for what I intended, so why not for what I need right now? Anyways.

I do not think of myself as a jealous person and most people who know me would probably agree with the perception of myself. Lately though, there is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind, something that I have to admit is making me jealous. It is a situation that is out of my control. It has nothing to do with me and nothing that I caused. It is something that used to be mine and is slipping away and I do know what to do.

I did what any person of the Google era would do, I searched the term hoping that it would give me some comfort. The first thing that caught my eye was this:
"Many people feel jealous from time to time. Jealousy is easy to deal with, once you understand what it's teaching you."
I guess the question here is, what is this jealousy teaching me? I cannot seem to see the lesson. All I can think about is, what did I do to allow this situation to happen. I am not sure I did anything. I have been noticing it happen before my eyes for the past year. I thought I had a handle on it all and I thought I could change the way it was developing. I keep trying. I was wrong. Not surprising.

Control? Could the issue be control? I have lost control of the situation, but I don't think it is control. Then what is it?

Maybe it is simple. I had something that was special to me and I am loosing it. Better yet, I had something that was special to me and someone else is taking it away. I am sure they do not mean to take it away and I am sure the other person does not mean to give it away, it is just happening. Wait!!!! This does not feel simple at all!

I can conclude that it is not control and this is not a simple situation, so what do I do? I am not sure I can do any more than I have already done. So, is this my "ah ha!" moment? Nope.

I don't feel jealous very often, so I am still at a loss.

The only way I know how to deal with this is in an Amanda way. Make a plan. How do I make a plan if I cannot get to the bottom of the situation?

Step One- Understand why I am jealous about this particular situation- This could take a while. I might have to jump to step two during this process.

Step Two- Make and act on a plan.

Step Three- Distract myself from the situation. (This will be a feat in itself since it is in my face all the time).

Step Four- Distance myself from the situation.

Step Five- Let go.

I might never decide to blog about this topic again. Maybe it will get resolved, maybe not. Either way, I am reminded of the words of some top 40 song. "Whatever will be, will be."


Diana said...

Being jealous is the worst feeling in the world. For the longest time, I was jealous of my sister. (Sometimes I still am.) I try to remind myself of things that I can do or qualities that I have that make me special.

And Amanda, you have many special qualities, too. Your dedication to animal rights and the environment are note worthy. I know people sometimes tease you about it, but, in a way, maybe they're jealous, too. Very few people have such strong convictions that they follow through with everyday. It's admirable.

And besides this, you are one of the most generous people I know. You are the first to think of ways to help someone or let them know that you are thinking of them.

And on top of that, you are a funny gal! You have a ton of funny stories and you aren't afraid to put yourself out there for a good laugh.

Your jealousy will pass. Focus on that fact that you rock and that others think you rock, too. :)

VeggieAmanda said...

Jealousy is a very awful feeling, one that I am not very used to feeling. I hate it and I know it is wrong.

Thank you for your kind words about me. I have been feeling down about myself lately. I think I need a mental health day very soon! Maybe a female outing some weekend or night. What do you think?

Diana said...

I'm game. :)