I think I have accomplished step 1. I understand why I am jealous. As I said before, something that I thought was mine (or partly mine) is being taken away by another. It is not something of monetary value, it is something more precious. I feel as I do because I do not understand the why of it-why has it been slipping away from me. I understand why I am jealous, but not why it is happening. I have tried to look at the situation from all angles. I have tried to understand my part. Then it hit me, I do not have a part of it and that is where the jealousy is stemming from.
Having accomplished step 1, I am forced to go to step 2. I need to create and act on a plan. How can I possibly have a plan if I really do not have a part in this? I am watching a situation in front of my face and there is nothing I can do.
A phrase keeps popping in my head.
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."
This phrase is usually applied to romantic love, but in this situation I think it can also apply. I need to try and let this go and see if it resolves itself. If it comes back to me, then I know it is for me.
I need to have another part to my plan. I will have a problem just letting it go, if I do not do something else. I am going to try and focus on the things and the people I have neglected while I have been worrying about this. There are several people in my life that I want to get to know better and I think I will use part of this time for that. I will also focus on our new home and re-doing my Etsy store. I have a ton of ideas and I need to execute them. I also need to redo my current listings by taking better pictures to showcase the items I am selling.
Lastly, John and I need to take a brief vacation. We need to get away, even if for just a day. He has suggested it and I keep turning it down because we just moved and I want to be at home doing stuff for the house.
Getting away might be the best cure for all of this. Maybe.